Dad’s Day (Day of Forgiveness)
Yesterday, January 22, was the anniversary of the death of my Dad, Murray Shapiro, 31 years ago, an event which changed me forever. It was my first experience of accompanying a dying person and understanding deeply that at the end of life the only thing that remains, the only thing that matters, is love. I commemorate this day every year, as the Day of Forgiveness, because of the powerful experience of forgiveness that he and I shared on his last day, an experience that was very healing and transformative for me. Each year since, the anniversary has been an opportunity for me to reflect on resentments and hurts I might be holding onto with people in my life, the sense of separation I create with them as a result, how I might open my heart more to greater compassion and letting go of the wounds of perceived mistreatment, and at least begin to consider the path of forgiveness.
For many people, forgiveness has negative connotations of condoning or forgetting wrongdoing, or letting the wrongdoer off the hook. But actually, forgiveness is not for the benefit of the person I believe has done me wrong. Rather, it’s about me, about liberating myself from the emotional chains that keep me trapped in the painful experience of the past, where I relive it over and over. It’s also about seeing the bigger picture of any situation, and that each of us is much more than the worst action we might have done.
Forgiveness cannot not forced or pretended. Ultimately, it is a choice we can make to truly heal and grow, to learn from the past and then leave it behind, so we can more fully live in the present. That said, the reality for me and many others is that forgiveness is often very very difficult. It can take a long time, with strong resistance to get through. The spiritual counseling I do includes support and accompaniment around forgiveness, largely through the powerful tool of spirit guidance. What that actually looks and feel like will be different for each person, depending on one’s beliefs. But for me, one of the ways that spirit guidance happens is by calling upon my Dad for wisdom and courage, precisely on this intimate day of forgiveness (though he is certainly available at other times too.)
I describe in the Death & Dying page of this website, in the section on Connecting with Departed Souls, (as well as in a recent blog entry on this page about my mother’s birthday), about how this connection happens. I connect with my Dad through visualization, asking questions, and listening for the responses, which come as thought messages in his voice. And so it was yesterday that he and I hung out together and talked for awhile, as I walked along a snowmobile trail in the quiet woods near where I live. He guided me by posing lots of questions, “Can you feel the love inside of them (those with whom there is resentment or hurt)? What’s going on in their hearts? Where’s the love inside you? Can you appreciate that relationships anchored in the mundane of life, and not more, can be enough? Can you speak and live your truth fearlessly, but in a gentle and friendly way?” This path of forgiveness is definitely a work-in-progress for me.
We talked about many things going on in my life, and his questions and comments were wonderful nourishment for my mind, heart, and soul. But even more than that, it was so great to just be together, and experience how alive and loving our relationship is.
Thank you, Dad.