Bereavement Services

Compassionate Companioning on the Grief Journey to Support Befriending & Transformation of Grief

Sharing stories, deepening in love and gratitude, living life more fully

Ongoing grief group starting soon. Check here for details

Grief is a natural response to the death of someone we care about, (as well as to other losses in our lives, such as divorce and job ending.) The normal process of grief can include physical reactions of poor sleep and lack of appetite, emotional reactions of sadness, anger, and guilt, and spiritual reactions of despair, meaninglessness, and disconnection from God. Grief is a very strong emotion, especially when the loss is of a parent, spouse, or child. It can be so difficult to tolerate that we often feel we must suppress or avoid it, which can lead to depression, anxiety, and addiction.

Grief is a journey, and no two grief journeys are alike. Everybody reacts to grief differently, based on many personal factors, such as self-awareness, emotional expression, communication style, nature and history of relationship with the deceased, family dynamics, culture, ethnicity, and spirituality.

With these in mind, and recognizing that there are many ways to frame the grief journey, broadly speaking we can identify four stages of grief:

• Shock/Numbness
• Disorganization/Despair
• Searching/Learning
• Recovery – Reorganization & Integration

And, again broadly speaking, there are four main tasks of the grief journey:

• Processing pain of grief
• Accepting reality of loss
• Adjusting to a world without our loved ones
• Finding enduring connection with the loss

The grief journey is anchored in truly allowing ourselves to experience grief more fully. Put another way, the only way to truly get through grief is to go through it. This is the spirit of Rev. Gary’s bereavement work. By listening to our pain and discomfort, by sharing our stories, by being with our grief, we can at least live with the pain more compassionately, and develop more tolerance and empathy for our grief. In this way, we “befriend” and transform grief from the sorrow for what we’ve lost and open ourselves to experience gratitude and love for what remains. This process has been called “emotional alchemy.” (Psychotherapist Miriam Greenspan.) Grief often breaks our heart and feels terribly lonely, but it also breaks our heart wide open and can connect us to others, and to a deeper part of ourselves. If we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable and to hurt, we can open to a larger wisdom, appreciation, understanding and acceptance for the person we lost, and how blessed is our life for them being a part of it – before, now, and always.

The grief journey is not simple, linear, or quick. Grief is not mainly about coping or resolution, much less “getting over it” or trying to control or get rid of anything, but rather opening the door to a new awareness or reality, and an invitation to transformation of self, our loved one, and the world. Grief is a gift in that it offers us the capacity to experience life more fully, with greater purpose and meaning, including finding meaning in the loss. And grief is a doorway to look deeply into the way things are – that life is impermanent, but love never dies. The journey is about letting grief’s wisdom unfold over time.

Rev. Gary’s bereavement support services –counseling for individuals and families, facilitating grief support groups, and training bereavement workers – are based on this approach of “compassionate companioning” to support the befriending and transforming of grief. The essentials of his work involve creating a caring presence and container, non-judgment, not directing what the grieved person should do, encouraging self-awareness and acceptance (especially of grief effects on physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual levels,) mirroring, active listening, asking questions, offering support and learning, and always affirming that what they are going through (in most cases) is normal and ok. In part through activities such as breathing, journaling, and visualization, Rev. Gary holds space for those grieving to experience different strategies for first coping, then embracing grief and ultimately some degree of healing grief (though grief never fully goes away.)

Coping strategies include allowing ourselves to feel stuck, immobilized, falling apart, disconnected from others, and acknowledging that grief can come in strong waves. It’s all ok, and often necessary (within boundaries of safety and basic functioning, and sometimes requiring medical or mental health intervention.)

Embracing strategies include telling our stories and beginning to sense a bigger picture, connecting to our bodies, feeling the emotional pain like a hole in our heart and holding our heart tenderly like a crying baby, acknowledging residual regrets, guilt, anger (toward others and self); and reaching out to others (that we are not grieving alone.)

Healing strategies include accepting mystery and change; letting go of control and old wounds, experiencing a fuller self-identity, finding new purpose and happiness in our lives, looking ahead more than looking back, discovering greater peace and resiliency, supporting new relationships and forms of interaction with our departed loved one, and offering service and support to others in need.

Facilitating Grief Groups

Rev. Gary leads grief groups that can be open-ended and or within a specific time period (usually 6-8 weeks). Group size ranges from 4 -10 people. By sponsorship or donation. Pre-screening required to insure good fit and appropriate timing.

Sessions are confidential, in a safe and caring space, with these key features:

• Support for relationship-building
• Education about grief journey and grief healing
• Welcoming silence and personal reflection
• Welcoming sadness, tears, laughing, all emotions
• Compassionate listening
• Asking questions
• Minimize directiveness, letting conversation go where it goes
• Respecting personal boundaries
• Balancing group dynamics and energy, including who talks and how long
• Balancing emotional and intellectual expression

Ongoing grief group starting soon. Check back here soon for details.

Training for Bereavement Workers
“Companioning on the Journey of Grief”
16-hour training
For health and hospice agencies

Check back here soon for details on next training offered
For more information on Rev. Gary’s bereavement support services, click here.

Book with Rev. Gary